We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize