What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
