ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize