i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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