so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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