And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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