Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
