how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
tell me about the fingering
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