She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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