It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And the cops told us we were all naked.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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