If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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