I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize