i just wanna soil my oats bro
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
