i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize