i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
