Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize