Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
