but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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