I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
