awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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