I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize