No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
