you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
