dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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