go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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