and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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