I just made out with a guy for $7.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
