In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
