I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
