oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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