Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize