so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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