Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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