I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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