i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
