I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
