My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
