I CAN MOONWALK!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
