im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize