I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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