I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
