Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
