Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
