You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I didn't notice because vodka
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
