Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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