it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
