That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
