the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
