i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
