my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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