I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That accounts for only three of the penises
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
