what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
