I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
