I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
