dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
