just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
