my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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