If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
