so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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