Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
