So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
