apparently the secret to your success is patron
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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