you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
