not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
