k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
