Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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