So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
