Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
