my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
