I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
