You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
