Who wears a wallet chain?!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
