Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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