I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
