hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize