i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
