I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
