you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
if i died would you start the facebook group?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
