Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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