Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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