Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
