remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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