Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
