Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
