My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
