I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i think i have herpe
just one?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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