um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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