Having a random hookup so left but love u
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
