Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
